MUSEUM
I was kicking myself. The day was hot and sunny with no hint of rain. Like all sensible people, my attire was classic blue denim jeans hiding a small pair of glass-clear plastic pants, and a cotton tee shirt with some inane printed motto easily forgotten. I would much rather have had a good excuse to wear a lovely PVC raincoat with a pair of shiny black jeans, although this was something I did at home and too shy to do it in public. As I wended my way through the hot streets of the big city, clouds gathered quickly. The air stayed hot when the first drops of rain fell, but within seconds they were a torrent. I could not believe how soaked through I had become in just the few moments it took to duck in through the door. Into what I neither knew, nor cared, the sign said OPEN so in I went.
The dull exterior of the building bellied the large interior with oak panelling and a large reception desk. There was a stand next to the desk sporting rows of leaflets announcing all manner of tourist attractions in the local area. A soft voice and simultaneous clip clop of stilettos on stone floor announced the presence of a woman behind me. “Ticket for one, sir?”
I turned to see a blurred vision of beauty. Quickly I wiped the raindrops from my glasses, which only caused them to smear. I stuttered, “pardon?”
“Would you like a ticket or maybe you just ducked in out of the rain sir?”
A second, more considered, wipe of the lenses cleared the image of this raven beauty. I had no idea what this place was, but I knew I wanted to be there in the presence of this woman wearing a gorgeous maroon latex dress. She had red hair and lipstick that was clearly chosen to complement the shimmery rubber. “A ticket… yes… er… yes please”, I felt like a bumbling teenager trying to talk to a pretty girl.
The open auditorium area was big, so the click of her heels rang out as she walked behind the counter to deal with my request.
“Would you like a guide, that an extra €5”, she enquired with a smile that made it impossible to refuse.
I noticed the perfection of her painted nails as she handed over my ticket; for what I had no idea.
Suddenly a shiver went down my back as the cool air of the room reminded me that I was soaked through.
I remember spotting the woman’s name tag, and thinking what a crime to have pierced such a gorgeous dress with a pin. I used my newly acquired knowledge.
“Do you have somewhere I might dry off first Jade?”
There it was again, that smile that made my heart pound, “Over there, you will find towels and I believe there may be something you can change into. She pointed across the area to a door labelled “Rest Room”.
Inside, it was also oak panelled. The marble top next to a sink had neatly folded crisp white towels and I eagerly removed the tee shirt and dried myself off. The feeling was sensational not to be wet, but then I had the prospect of putting the damp garment back on. Then I spotted a long shiny black PVC coat hanging on the back of the door. Was this what she meant about something to change into?
I eagerly consumed the garment, delighting in the slippery fabric as my arms slid in. It was the perfect size. Then I spotted, also hanging on the back of the door, was a pair of black shiny jeans previously concealed by the coat. My jeans were damp, but not so wet that I had to change them, but I had no resistance and moments later was looking in the mirror at my own reflection dressed head to toe in gorgeous black PVC. My plastic pants lay on the floor, discarded in favour of going commando. I neatly folded my clothes in a pile, concealing the pants within it, and carried them outside.
“I can store those here if you like sir”, she smiled, gesturing behind the counter.
I smiled back and stretched my arms out to hand them over, but horror or horrors, I fumbled and the pants dropped out and made a slapping sound as they hit the hard floor, just in case my embarrassment needed enhancing.
Jade bent down, her knees swivelled together and her dress drew tight across her bottom. The movement was sexy and sophisticated at the same time. No fumbling from her, she retrieved the pants and folded them neatly and placed them on top of the jeans and tee shirt without a word. I think my face went the colour of her lipstick.
A large sign said ENTRANCE and I started walking, keen to get out of the awkward situation.
“Your guide sir!” I turned, expecting Jade to be handing me some printed matter, but instead I was greeted by another woman who had appeared silently seemingly from nowhere.
Now I knew I was dreaming. All this shiny clothing was heavenly and here was Tina, dressed in an all-in-one dark green plastic suit sporting the same logo I had spotted around the reception area. Her name announced on a name tag indicating her position as “Tour Guide”. She was short and curvy, not at all like Jade, and she seemed a bit nervous.
“I will be your guide for this afternoon’s tour,” she announced with a slightly worried smile.
Just as I thought everything was too perfect and I would wake up at any moment, the front door crashed open and five brash, wet people tumbled in from the rain. Like me, they were not prepared for the change in the weather, but were not as soaked through as I had been.
“Five tickets please miss!” bellowed a tall man in an American accept, possibly from Texas.
Jade smiled. “Certainly sir.”
“I don’t know George, this place looks lame,” said a skinny woman in a harsh voice.
Jade took no notice. “Guides sir? That’s an extra €5 each.”
“Sure thing honey!” The man beamed. "Come on Mary, this’ll be a hoot and I’m sure there will be a gift shop to get something to take back for Roy and his hideous brood at the end.”
I watched Tina’s face turn to slight panic. Jade was also watching the scene out the corner of her eye.
“What the b’Jesus are these things?” another brash man in the group announced as he held up my plastic pants between finger and thumb as if they were some dirty old rag.
Jade’s face turned to thunder as she snatched them off him. “Those are personal. Please do not touch them!” And she proceeded to carefully re-fold them and place them back down.
She then held out five glossy pamphlets and exclaimed, “Your guides and the entrance are that way, sir.”
As the party shuffled off mumbling, the thin woman stared at me. “What the fuck are you supposed to be? Some kind of weird vampire?”
I smiled. “Have a nice day.”
I could see the relief on Tina’s face as Jade winked at her.
“I think the normal route might be a bit crowded. Why don’t you take this gentleman on the VIP route Tina? There’s no extra charge.”
“This way sir,” Tina ushered me towards another door to the rear of the reception desk.
We walked down an empty oak panelled corridor. “Sorry if I’m a bit nervous, I am new to this," said Tina.
“You’re doing great," I replied in as comforting a voice as I could muster.
We entered the first room from the end of the corridor. It was lined with glass on either side.
Tina’s voice changed and became confident as her tour guide mode kicked in.
“Here in the Rainwear Museum, we have the world's largest collection of mackintoshes, capes, cagoules, rain suits and all manner of raincoats.” Tina paused for a moment. This raincoat belonged to Lady Diana Spencer and she was often seen wearing it while out riding." She gestured towards a manikin wearing a frosty white, semi-transparent plastic raincoat. I feigned reading the accompanying sign, all the time looking at the mac and wondering how Charles felt about his wife in PVC.
The whole room was filled with rainwear that once belonged to someone famous; looking at the names, one might be forgiven for thinking shiny rainwear was more common than it is.
As we approached the end of the room I tried to make conversation with my guide. “How did you get into working here?”
“Um… I…. Er… I need to follow the script if you don’t mind. I have to get things right,” she replied nervously.
“Ok, but I really don’t mind if we just chat. I think the raincoats are fascinating, but I don’t mind missing the odd bit of the tour. It’s not as if I am going to sit an exam at the end!”
She seemed to relax. “I do need this job and I don’t want to mess it up.”
“So your are not into rainwear, if you know what I mean?”
She looked puzzled, then worked out what I was asking. “Well no ... not really. A friend recommended I apply for this job; I didn’t even know the place existed before.”
“And are you ok with the uniform?”, I knew I might be pushing too much into personal questioning.
She looked away.
“Sorry if I….”
“No it’s fine. To be honest, it nearly made me walk away when they showed me. For the first two days I hated wearing this.” Tina tugged at the green plastic near her waist. "But you get used to it. I said to myself, it's no different from a McDonalds uniform, really.”
“Except it’s made of plastic,” I replied.
She looked embarrassed again, “Yes, but it’s not that bad, and the pay is very good here. In truth it’s more comfortable than you’d think, and after I realised that having damp underwear was not a nice feeling, I dispensed with it.”
Since seeing the first girl I had been getting slowly more interested in this place, but the thought of Tina wearing nothing under her plastic suit made me stiffen up and I had to move to hide the bulge as quickly as I could. I think my face was red again!
Thankfully the tour continued, with Tina walking ahead recalling all her facts. All I could see was her rounded bottom swishing back and forth under the shiny material.
In the next room I encountered the Hall of Rainwear Fashion, containing all manner of raincoats through the years, starting with heavy oilskins and sou'westers from the 1800’s worn by sailors and fishermen. We passed Mary Quant, Vivienne Westwood and Jean Paul Gaultier creations, again suggesting that shiny rainwear was far more prevalent than was true on the streets. I was particularly keen on some outfits made of see through plastic by Esme Young, but Tina was apologetic that they were not strictly rainwear. But I loved them!
As we approached the end of the room we heard loud voices coming from the next area.
“Let’s take a quieter route,” Tina suggested then brushed past me towards a small door that was almost invisible set into the wooden panelling. Her suit touched my bare hand accidentally and felt superb just for a second.
I had to duck slightly after Tina had gone through the door. Inside was clearly the back room where raincoats were stored that were not on show. The air was filled with the delightful aroma of rubber and plastic. Tina ran her hands over a rail of macs, “Have a browse if you like, maybe tell me which one is your favourite. I might be able to tell you someone famous that had a mackintosh just like it."
Where to start? I could have been there for weeks, but luckily the rails were organised by rainwear type, so most on a rail would be gabardine, another would be heavy oilskins whilst others were latex, PVC and plastic. My eyes settled on the rail that Tina was near, all the raincoats seemed to be shiny silk or satin.
“You like these?” Tina enquired, seeing where my gaze had landed.
“Lovely. They are all lovely. But I think my favourite would be somewhere over here”, and I headed towards a set of rails containing the lower end of the raincoat market - cheap plastic jackets, coats and trousers from the 70’s and 80’s.
My heart raced as my hand moved over dozens of raincoats, each one inspected carefully. Lovely, but not quite right.
I had always considered myself a black PVC person, revelling in my current attire, but there was something kinky about these raincoats - cheap, slutty and the sort of thing any girl would wear in the 80’s. My heart skipped a beat as I noticed a special jelly jacket.
A shade or two below royal blue. Elasticated cuffs and waist. Zipped right up the front. Soft, slippery and smooth plastic. It was Stella all over again. She was a friend’s girlfriend. I lusted after her, but was too loyal to my friend to make a move. She was pretty with gorgeous long straight dark hair and often wore a jacket exactly like this one. Stella would wear it when it was dry and bright, indoors and out, and in the passengers seat of my friends car.
I pulled the hanger out. “Stella..."
“Pardon me?” interjected Tina.
“Oh sorry," I replied. “It reminded me of someone I used to know. She had one just like it”.
“Not very sophisticated,” Tina said. “Isn’t this more to your taste?” She held up a lovely black PVC bomber jacket.
“Cool, but I prefer this one,” I said, before placing it carefully back on the rail.
We spent another fifty minutes rummaging through the endless rails. I must have seen no more than a fifth of all the shiny rainwear before Tina insisted we move on.
Another almost invisible door led to a large room. This one was not oak-panelled, but it was light and airy with a high ceiling and glass skylights. The US party were milling around the area and they were uncharacteristically quiet. The mannequins seemed more realistic than they should be, then suddenly they all moved as one. There was a satisfying crinkle sound from all the PVC, then I realised these were live models. Everything was tastefully done, but a few were wearing see-through macs and most sported skimpy undergarments. The nearest figure to me was a man wearing a long black rubber trench coat fully buttoned and belted, with the collar up. His hands were deep in the pockets and he had an expression that suggested he was battling unseen rain.
“Do they stand here all day?” I whispered to my guide.
She smiled and replied in an equally low voice, “Oh no, they come out only when visitors are in the room. There are motion sensors in the corridors alerting them. It’s all very clever.”
Because of the whispering Tina had leant into me and I dutifully lowered my head to listen, revelling in the low crinkly sound her plastic suit made as she moved. The smell was not strong, but it reminded me of seaside gift shops selling inflatable plastic rings and ride on toys.
A woman caught my eye who seemed to be naked under her two-piece see-through plastic rain suit, but as we drew closer, I realised she was wearing a flesh coloured bikini. Nonetheless, it was quite an exciting sight!
The woman smiled and spoke, “Hey gorgeous, aren’t you supposed to be up here with us?”
I looked down and realised that I was dressed as if I were a staff member. I smiled back. “Oh no, I always like dress like this!” Which was not true but I wished it was.
“Shhhhh!” hissed Tina to the woman in an attempt at exerting some authority. The woman smiled and winked at her.
Tina had all but given up on her official banter and was relaxed and chatty. We were more like a visiting couple than guest and guide.
The loud American group left by a set of large white double doors.
Suddenly all the mannequins became chatty, much to Tina’s annoyance. I really enjoyed asking them about their outfits; Some were very knowledgeable and explained who had designed them, when and in which country. I learned that beautiful rainwear was a universal love shared throughout the world.
After a good hour in the one room, we exited through the same doors as the party. The next room was entirely different. It was electric blue, dark with LED lights and swirling patterns projected on the walls and ceiling.
“This is our vision of the future of rainwear," Tina announced proudly. She returned to guide mode, explaining about new materials being developed that mimic PVC but are made from plants, not oil. Next to the models wearing sample mackintoshes, were swatches of material that visitors were encouraged to feel. Some looked shiny and smooth, but had a disappointingly grainy feel. There were the inevitable modern technical fabrics but I was pleased to see that latex was still there.
“Rubber is a natural material. And it's sustainable, so it can be used in future garments,” Tina pointed out.
As we left the room, my overall impression was that the future of rainwear was dull, but there was hope in a couple of the fabrics under development.
My eyes adjusted from the dark back into the normal light of the reception area.
“Well sir, that concludes the tour. I hope you enjoyed your time." Tina slipped effortlessly back into official mode.
“If you would like to come back again, we have a discounted members pass.” She leaned into me and whispered, “I get a small bonus for every pass I can sell.”
I smiled and thanked her as she departed, bottom still swaying sexily in her green plastic suit.
For a naughty moment I wanted to be a fly on the wall in the room as she changed out of her shiny uniform, then quickly told my brain off for thinking such disrespectful things.
At the reception area Jade handed me my clothes, plastic pants folded and sitting proudly on top.
“I do hope you have enjoyed your visit sir.”
“Oh yes, very much, and I would like to buy a membership please,” I replied, but saddened in the knowledge that I was only on holiday and was not coming this way again. I was only buying this membership so that Tina got her bonus.
Jade seemed genuinely happy. “Of course sir. I’ll just get the card machine.”
Her pleasure made me even sadder. This had been a wonderful and unexpected day out that I would loved to have repeated.
I excused myself to change back into my own clothes, carefully hanging the coat and trousers back on the door, and giving them a last feel. I was defiantly going to be Googling some of those to buy for myself.
The light was starting to fade when I stepped out onto the pavement outside the museum. The rain had stopped and there was a pleasant breeze. Standing a few paces in front of me was a short figure. I could see extreme nervousness on her face, even though her head was dipped down. She was wearing denim jeans and that blue plastic jacket I had picked out as my favourite.
In that moment I knew that I would soon be undertaking one of the most stressful activities that adults do, moving house and job. I hoped I could afford something in the area because I wanted to be with Tina, and from the looks of it, she also wanted to be with me.
Is it possible to fall in love that quickly?
The End
Cherie x
