Mackintosh bathing. Facts and Fiction.

Stories and fantasies about rainwear.
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Mackintosh bathing. Facts and Fiction.

Post by MacRobin » October 24th, 2017, 5:09 pm

Mackintosh bathing

Factual history

The first quarter of the 20th century saw ever increasing access to the beaches of England by the `common population.' The driving force came from central government who saw it as a way to improve the health of the nation without having to spend any money. There was huge resistance from the fashionable resorts, especially on the South Coast where the government's initiative was seen as an erosion of the rights of the `middle class' who controlled the local borough councils and were thus in a position to oppose the whole idea.

The local councils had several tools to thwart central government. They owned the beach huts which were rented to the middle classes, who regarded the strip of beach from `their' hut to the beach as their personal estate.
The working class could not afford beach huts, but they could afford a modest mackintosh, usually rubberised because the new 'unrubbered' raincoats were expensive and it quickly became a cool thing to do, to walk onto the beach with a mackintosh worn over the bathing costume. The mack would be folded and placed at the water's edge while the owner went for a dip and kept his or her eye on their means to get home without outraging publish decency.

Emerging wet from the sea, it wasn't even necessary to towel off. Wet rubber next to cool wet skin became the new thrill. So it needed stamping out.

Eastbourne was one resort that banned the so-called `mackintosh bathing' and the council employed patrols and bye-laws to block out the habit. Blackpool on the other hand told the nation they were welcome on its beaches, where a mackintosh was a sensible item to take on the beach anyway.

The Illustrated London News in its issue 23th July 1927, (p160) printed an article, the tone of which is still being repeated today, as if macks became colourful only last year. The article pointed out that fancy macks were fashionable on the beach in Le Touquet, the up-market resort within a stone's throw of Boulogne.

"Luckily, the mackintosh, for one thing, has ceased to be a rather dingy accessory which must be kept out of sight except on really stormy days, necessitating another coat for doubtful weather. It is now such a bright affair in really lovely colours that can be worn everywhere on a grey day, and can be chosen to match a definite hat and suit. Printed shantung, rubberised like the crepe-de-Chine, is a new material for the fashionable plages, and some very smart waterproofs are to be seen at La Touquet in shiny black satin lined and piped with white, and completed with white epaulettes and huge Cavalier cuffs."

And then a bright spark realised that there was money in a portable beach hut/mackintosh hybrid. A fancy personal beach tent could be had for 65 shillings. A top quality mack of rubberised silk cost 9½ guineas, which was a deceptively posh way of saying £9/19/6. A cotton one could be had for less than pound. A rubber mack was the way to go.

I am sure that Doxy's grandmother would have gone mackintosh bathing and it did not take long for my imagination to run away (as usual) and imagine her in the Eastbourne magistrate's court giving short shrift to the local jobsworth:-

(PS, I shall eventually explain who Doxy is. She became aware of my rubber fetish and adored it. My rubber fetish became her fetish. We kept our fetishes under control because we two were more important to each other.)

I write quite a bit and I publish fetish & BDSM (and ordinary) books via my "publishing house".
I love writing court scenes.

Court Proceedings

Clerk to the Court: `Are you Doxy Doolittle, age 19, residing at Number 1 Marine Square, Eastbourne?

DD: `Yes I am.

Clerk to the Court: `You are charged that on the 3rd October last, contrary to section 2a (ii) of the `Mackintosh, bathing, prohibition of' bye-law of this borough, you were apprehended in the act of `mackintosh bathing'.
How do you plead?

DD: `Not guilty Ma'am. I hope Ma'am is the right form of address Ma'am.

Judge: (Grinning as if she knew eighty years hence, she could audition for the part of Judge Judy) `It definitely is young lady. I don't want to be called M'lud or Your Honor. Now Mr Snotbicket, are you calling witnesses? I heard you don't usually bother.

Mr S: `In my capacity as Borough Clerk and Mackintosh Sheriff, I shall be both prosecuting and presenting my witness statement. Shall I begin?

Judge: `Pray do. Although if it is the same as last time, I have a transcript here. I suppose the location is not the same.

Mr S: `On 3rd October last, I was proceeding along Marine Parade executing my duties as Mackintosh Sheriff, when I perceived the defendant emerging from Marine Square, clearly wearing a mackintosh and clearly heading for the beach. I apprehended the defendant, read out her rights and attempted to confiscate her mackintosh. She refused to hand it over and she refused to give me her name and address on the grounds that I had no right to demand any of those things. I therefore wrote out a mackintosh penalty ticket which required her to report to the Borough Offices and provide her name and address, which she subsequently did. It was a clear case of mackintosh bathing and I request that the magistrate of this court finds the defendant guilty and orders the surrender of her mackintosh.

Judge: `I am a judge, not a magistrate, Mr S. Apparently there are no magistrates available today; they are all in the waiting room waiting to be tried (by me) for mackintosh bathing. Now Miss D. What do you have to say about the charges? Do you contest them?

DD: `Not at all Ma'am. Not the facts. I just contest his interpretation of why I was wearing a rubber mackintosh. I had, as the gentleman has pointed out, just emerged from my flat in Marine Square and was walking along Marine Parade, when I was accosted by this man in a very shabby greasy porous gabardine raincoat, smelling strongly of vinegar.

Mr S: `Objection Your Honour. I didn't accost her. And I had just had fish and chips for lunch.

Judge: `Overruled. You look the sort of person who would accost anyone, even if asking them the time. Continue Miss D.

DD: `The man in the shabby, greasy, vinegar smelling porous gaberdine raincoat accused me of bathing in the middle of the street and also accused me of having nothing on under my mackintosh.

Mr S: `Objection Your Honour.

Judge: `Overruled. I think it is established that you were wearing a shabby, greasy, vinegar smelling porous gaberdine raincoat. But regarding what she wore under her yellow rubberised taffeta mackintosh, is that true Mr S? Did you pry into her undergarments?

Mr S: `She didn't have any undergarments on Your Honour. I could see her, um, ah, um, sticking out bits. The rubber lining of her mackintosh was rubbing against her sticking out bare skin. They all do it.

Judge: `If you mean nipples Mr S, you must say the word. We cannot have evidence provided where the word is not spoken. Miss D, is that by any chance the same mackintosh you are wearing today, that rather nice yellow rubberised taffeta number, that you were wearing on the 3rd of October?

DD: `Yes Ma'am it is. The very same. It's the only one I have. I thought it might be useful to wear it today, then you could all see.

Judge: ``It is indeed useful because I can see your nipples very clearly. And it is a lovely mackintosh; I have one like it. Do you agree Mr S? Can you see Miss D's nipples?

Mr S: `I don't know. I don't know what a nipple is, but OK, OK Your Honour, please don't look at me like that. Yes, yes, I can see her sticking out bits. You see, she goes around everywhere with nothing on underneath. Even in court.

Judge: `Miss D, would you mind removing your mackintosh?

Doxy Doolittle unbuttoned the belt of her mackintosh slowly, before meticulously undoing every one of the six buttons slowly with mesmerising care, before sliding the garment off her shoulders with a slick-slocking flourish, before making a further loud slock as she slapped it over the front of the dock. She slocked the dock.

Judge: `Let it be entered into the court record that Miss D took off her mackintosh to reveal a rather fetching purple silk blouse and what looks like a black latex skirt. What do you have to say about that Mr S?

Mr S: `She's got nothing on under that blouse Your Honour, she isn't wearing a um, ah, um, thingie. And that skirt needs confiscating. You see, she's a hussy.

Judge: `The word is brassiere Mr S. Most people call it a bra. There is no law that says a bra must be worn under a blouse and so I am not going to order Miss D to undress further. And I assume she has nothing on under the skirt because it would be uncomfortable to wear anything under latex. In fact, she may put her mackintosh back on if she wishes. I am sure she will do it in style. Oh, and Mr S, I am considering bring a charge of contempt of court against you for coming here in your shabby, greasy, vinegar smelling porous gaberdine raincoat. It's not even lunch time, so you can't blame it on fish and chips.

With a loud slocking, with an even bigger flourish than when she took it off, Miss D put her mackintosh back on, slowly buttoned it up to the neck and fastening the belt, tugging it tightly. It was all done with lascivious aforethought She deliberately squirmed inside the rubber coating, so that her nipples formed a trace like a meteor burning up during its path through the atmosphere.

Mr S gawped.

Judge: `That will do Miss D! You've made your point. Points even. But now to the main point of the charge, were you actually bathing on Marine Parade?

DD: `Of course not Ma'am. It is not easy to bathe on a tarmacadamed street. There was no water, an essential part of bathing.

Judge: `I agree. Any further questions to the defendant Mr S?

Mr S: `Yes, yes. Why were you wearing a mackintosh? It wasn't raining. And where were you going? You must have been going to the beach. They all go to the beach when they are wearing mackintoshes, with their skin writhing and squirming against rubber lining of the fabric. It's got to be stopped.

Judge: `Stopped? Why? But please answer him Miss D.

DD: `It looked like it might rain. And I was going to see my lover. We usually have an assignment on a Friday afternoon at 2 pm.. And he likes my yellow rubberised mack. We sometimes do it when I'm wearing it. He fantasises that I am Glynis Johns playing Miranda the mermaid.

Mr S: `You see Your Honour, she's admitted wearing it when it wasn't raining. She's guilty. She even admitted mackintosh bathing with her boy friend. Is he in court? Oh, how I hate mackintoshes.

Judge: `I beg your pardon Mr S! This afternoon I am going to go on the beach with my Mackintosh! What do you have to say about that?

Mr S: `Then it will be my duty to have to arrest you.

Judge: `If you had only looked at the roster on the wall outside the court, you would have seen that I am Judge Elsie Mackintosh. I shall be taking my husband Mr Macintyre `Mac the knife' Mackintosh with me onto the beach. Do you intend to confiscate him? And I think when the defendant said she did ``it'' with her lover, she was not referring to mackintosh bathing. Case dismissed. Costs are awarded against Mr S personally, for exceeding his duties. I will make them punitive, so that Miss D can buy a few new mackintoshes and flout them at the Borough Clerk. Now, Mr S, you referred to ``confiscating'' mackintoshes. How many mackintoshes have you confiscated this year?

Mr S: `That is confidential information Your Worship.

Judge: `Where do you keep them? In the Borough offices next door?

By not answering, Mr Snotbicket showed that the answer to the question was ``Yes''.

Judge: `The court will now adjourn to the Borough Offices to see how many mackintoshes Mr S has confiscated.

Mr S: `You can't do that. You need a search warrant.

Judge: `I'm just writing one out now Mr S, and as a judge, I can sign it. Now Miss D, let's go and see how many mackintoshes we can liberate. The Borough Council can put an advert in the Eastbourne Examiner inviting the un-mackintoshed to come and claim their precious coats, 9½ guineas for a decent beach mackintosh, so I am told. Now, release all the magistrates in the waiting room, waiting to tried for mackintosh bathing. Cases dismissed. The Court is adjourned and the released magistrates can take all the cases this afternoon if there are any left. I'm taking the rest of the day off. Miss D, can I invite you for lunch? I will go and get my blue mackintosh rather than my yellow one so I don't clash with yours, and we can go to that restaurant bar on the beach. Maybe we can go for a swim after. I've got my own personal beach hut and we can hang our mackintoshes up on the pegs or wear them on the beach. The King actually owns the beach, not Eastbourne and on the side, I am purveyor of rubberised mackintoshes to His Majestey. He has a fondness for them. Perhaps your lover can come as well, if he is in court. Mr Macintyre `Mac the knife' Mackintosh is sitting at the back and I am sure he will join us. Maybe your lover can teach him a few tricks. I'd appreciate that.

Court adjourned.

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Joined: October 9th, 2017, 5:30 pm

Re: Mackintosh bathing. Facts and Fiction.

Post by Jimson45 » October 25th, 2017, 12:24 pm

this is fabulous and hilarious!! well done!!

Posts: 39
Joined: March 3rd, 2017, 4:51 pm
Location: S.Glos

Re: Mackintosh bathing. Facts and Fiction.

Post by Mikmac77 » October 25th, 2017, 2:01 pm

Well written and very comical.

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